All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
