She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
