i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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