miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize