i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
