I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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