if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
