guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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