I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize
