I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
