Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
