Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
