maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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