what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize
