I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
