so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
