it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
