I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
