All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
