she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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