paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
