I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
