The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the day after is always just damage control
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
