btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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