I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize