So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
tell me about the eggs
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