Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
