i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
