you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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