he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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