Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Randomize
