I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
