I skipped work to stalk him.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
