i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
