oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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