What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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