i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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