Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
