Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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