Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
COCAINE IS GR8
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
