the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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