Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
