Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
