you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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