Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
