I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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