puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
