She said her name was "party"
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
