Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
