She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
