That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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