This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He did a backflip because drugs
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