well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
