WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
