Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
