You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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