i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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