i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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