Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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