you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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