Cold hands, warm shart.
no, he came in my armpit
I haven't been this sober since birth.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
