We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
