We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
