I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
