The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
