is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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