Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You took a bar mat shot.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
