I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Randomize
