Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
