i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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