Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
