i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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